I always knew that this day was coming, but I never realized how quickly it would be here. It's like waking up one day and there it is, just hanging in front of my face and following me around in the day. Bobbie is finally moving out of her parent's house. She's finishing school this week. I knew we'd never live with our parent's forever, right around the corner from eachother, but now that it's finally happining, it's just going to fast. I'm going to have a whole nother year of school, and have to get a job to save money. And Bobbie is going to have to get a job, because when I'm 18 in October we're hoping to have enough for an apartment. But it seems like everything is rushing by. I feel like Bobbie is going to move miles and miles away and I'll never talk to her again, even though that isn't going to happen at all. And I'm so worried about the end of this year, I'm doing pretty bad in most of my classes, and I can;t afford to repeat them because I'm going to do the early work release program. I'm just scared of growing up and being out on my own. What if I'm not ready? What if I can't handle it? I've screwed up so much as a teenager, and I have no skills. I'm going to get out of my house and reality is just going to come hit me full speed right in the face. I mean, I think Bobbie and me have a pretty good plan worked out, but what if it doesn't work the way we planned it? And it makes me worry so much more when my mom or people ask me questions about our plans that I can't answer. Then I start to think about all the holes in it, and I don't know what were going to do... I'm scared, 
I'm going to wind up with Severe Arachnaphpbia. (The Spider Fear) And I'm going to have to be institutionilized and medacated and sedated and everything, lol. I've just been having a lot of "issues" with all kinds of big gross hairy scary spiders this weekened, and I'm freaking out. It's actually pretty funny.
I still have all these thoughts swirling around in my head. They've been in there for weeks, I can't get them out. There's only 2 ways I can think to rid my mind of them. But the delemia to that is it's kind of one of things you really wanna say to a person, and you can't because your afraid of the outcome, of their reaction. And I can;t get rid of these thoguhts unless I do say something, but I'm afraid to. So they just keep spinning and spinning in my head. It's really annoying sometimes. I need to hear the truth from somebody, and i think that maybe they're afraid to give me the truth. Maybe they think it would hurt me to know, but right now, I have to know.
BangBang Baby. <3 Susie
